


Something he didn't know

by Ella_anki



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Feels, Badass Hinata, Denial, Feels, Gaara is a protective best friend, Heartbreak, Hurt, Kiba is protective best friend, M/M, Naruto gets a happy ending, Sasuke is hurt, Sasuke is in Denial, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Who surprisingly understands, i don't know what to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:31:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6888139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ella_anki/pseuds/Ella_anki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because Sasuke didn't know, yet everyone else did  but when he finally figured it out, it was a little too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something he didn't know

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is a huge ass one shot hopefully loaded with feels and angst that might just scratch your heart a lil. Hope so. Anyway. I tried to make it as real as I can but if any character seems ooc it just cause of the plot so ya. Hope you enjoy n tell me how you liked it!
> 
> Unbeat-ed so ya...
> 
> Italics is flashback 
> 
> And normal writing is present. 
> 
> And well you get the gist right?

He watched from the crowd as the love of his life got a ring put on his finger by another man, he remained stoic outwards nothing showing of his inner turmoil, his knuckles turned white on the glass he held almost shattering it with his grip, his lips pursed a little too tight but still not enough to be noticed by anyone who is not perspective. His eye’s stings a little but they still remain blank, blanker than they have ever been. 

His mind refused to even look at the man dressed in white tuxedo with a crisp orange shirt underneath and a ragged looking baby blue tie which is clearly not done properly yet as he loses to his heart he can’t help but look and god he has never seen anyone more beautiful, sunshine kissed blond hair tamer than usual but still wild and everywhere in place and he stops the smile breaking onto his lips because he knows that those blond hair could never be tamed he had tried many times before by running his hand through them, cyanic blue eye lit up in happiness and looking other worldly and oh so gorgeous that he just can’t help but look . He curses himself for looking because standing there besides the beautiful blond was not him, it was not him. It was not him who was fixing the blonde’s tie as he grinned goofily. It was just not him.

His breath catches up in his throat as a lump forms there making it unbearable to breath and he gulps air hoping that would lessen the pain in his throat and he knows physically there is nothing wrong yet his throat, eyes and chest hurts and god it hurt so bad. He is never been hurting this bad even when he dislocated his shoulder nothing could compare to this horrible, horrible pain. He finally manages to tear away his gaze from the blond when he spots the other man besides him because even his heart no matter how much yearns to see the blond can’t look when the blond is beside another. Who is just not him!

He diverts his attention from the happy couple laughing and talking merrily by looking at other people who were present at the wedding he doesn’t want to look but it’s better than looking at that horrid image. He catches the sight of the red head who is one of the best man from the blonde’s side who looks straight back at him with apathetic eyes and he hates it because he knows the little tilt of the red head’s head towards the couple and the slight sadistic gleam of his eyes tells all the story that is supposed to be told. They are mocking him, he is mocking him. He is telling him without speaking what he has lost, what he has lost because of his own self. He remembers the time when the red head was more vocal and violent with him.

_“You piece of fucking trash!” hollers the usually quiet red head._

_He was bumped harshly on the wall by the red head that still had a tight grip on his collar. His back hurt at the contact yet he didn’t even let out a sound. His pride wouldn’t allow him._

_He glared right back at the man, holding the other’s wrist in a grip so the other would let go, willing him to let go yet all he got was a tightening of the grip._

_“I knew you were a scum now you just showed me I was right from the beginning” the other shouts in his face, absolute loathing and killing intent apparent in his body language “you didn’t deserve him! And you just proved me right that you never would” he got shoved again against the wall and he winces a little as his head got knocked severely on the wall._

_His vision blurs a little and it takes few seconds to get it to clear back and when it does he sees a blond figure hurriedly making his way towards them by dodging the crowd of curious students watching the drama unfold with a worried expression on his face._

_When the blond reaches them he takes a hold of the red head’s arm and tugs it towards himself._

_“Gaara let go of him” the blond whispers softly and his stomach does this weird flip and suddenly his heart is not as constricting as it was before. Unbidden hope blossoms in his chest making it light and him heady with relief, he squashed it and refused to think up on it._

_The blond coaxes the red head to finally relax just a little and his grip looses just this tiny bit and that is all it takes for him to get away from Gaara’s clutches. The red head is still glaring at him but the blond is physically holding him back from doing anything violent again, he refuse to meet his eyes which makes a slight pang appear in his chest that he convinces himself is because of Gaara holding him too tightly._

_“Gaara don’t. Please just don’t” the blond plead softly “I don’t.” he swallows “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me”_

_And just like that the hope that he would not admit that was there shatters leaving an aching hollow in its wake. He feels himself going numb but doesn’t do anything to stop the hollow pain from spreading; it feels good in a twisted way it feels good, it feels real, he doesn’t understand why it’s hurting anyway. It must be something wrong with him. He should get himself checked._

_“Naruto this asshole” Gaara visibly shaking from fury throws poisonous daggers with his eyes in his direction and spat his words “this asshole deserve so much worse for doing that”_

_“Gaara shhh calm down” the blond tries to sooth the infuriated red head “please I don’t want you to get into trouble please let just go” the blond cajole in a heavy whisper still practically hugging the red head. It calms the red head somewhat and when he looks at the blonde’s face full of desperation and grief, he gives a miniscule nod and let himself be dragged away from the crowd._

_Sasuke unfreezes himself from his spot and turns to the rapidly disappearing blond and dislodges the stick stuck in his throat and voices the only thing he could think of._

_“Naruto....”_

_The blond stops in his spot, his body stiff and shoulders trembling softly, he takes a heavy breath and utters those soft words thick with emotions._

_“Sasuke don’t please just don’t”_

Sasuke couldn’t even manage a glare in return to give to the red head so he turns his head and his vision immediately captures the pink head of Sakura dressed in an elegant floral green and pink patterned dress, she was the maid of honor which didn’t made sense as there were two grooms but she vehemently made herself the maid of honor arguing she was the closest friend to one of the groom. She looked incredibly happy almost as happy as the grooms themselves.

She was chatting happily with her best friend Ino, while giving ever so often smiles in the wedded couple’s direction. He didn’t understand why she was so happy, he knew she was close to the blond but he also knew that in their friendship there was always an underlining hidden jealousy that Naruto was oblivious to. He didn’t know if she ever got over it. He didn’t care really.

_He didn’t know what to make of it, he just felt empty and worn out he guessed it was because of the studies he had been doing for the exams. He was tired he guessed and in desperate need for a break but he still couldn’t quite verify to himself why his heart gave a dull ache whenever he looked at his now quiet apartment._

_The eeriness of it all was something he couldn’t quite name, it felt too quiet and it felt too clean. He was someone who both had a liking towards quietness and cleanliness it was indeed strange from him to for once in his whole life not appreciate it. It felt as if the quietness of his usually loud apartment was coming to smother him. He didn’t understand why that was so. He liked quiet maybe he had gotten used to the noise that Naruto made but he never liked it, he liked his space quiet and calm and definitely clean. He didn’t know why it was bothering him now._

_He sat there on his now clean couch which held none of the usual garment of clothing askew on it. It was too clean just like his apartment was too quiet. It didn’t feel right. He contemplated doing something to occupy his time in his suddenly uncanny place but didn’t have the energy to stand; he didn’t know where his energy went._

_Grunting in disapproval at his gloomy mood he got up from the couch and makes his way towards the kitchen to get his own self to eat something. He wasn’t really hungry although he didn’t understand why, it had been well over a day since he had something in his stomach yet he didn’t feel hungry, now that he thought about it he barely felt anything right now._

_He checked his cabinets for any food and saw that they were empty he wondered why that was, most of the time his cabinets would overflow with food the most in magnitude being ramen and then he startle stops. Ramen. Naruto. Naruto would buy groceries as he was practically useless when it came to any culinary work even buying groceries was too out of his league but it was fine as Naruto was surprisingly good at it._

_He spots a lone packet of ramen and smiles and stops himself as he realizes that he is smiling for no apparent reason. He shook himself out of the suddenly tightening of his chest; he really was coming down with something, when he spots the ramen and goes to boil water to prepare it. He doesn’t know why he was willing to eat ramen, he never liked that stuff, but he just really felt compelled to eat it now. He guesses it was because ordering something will consume more of his time and he didn’t like wasting time. Yeah, that was all it was._

_After he prepares the instant ramen he began eating it slowly yet as he tastes it that salty and spicy taste that he so despises, he can’t help the lump that formed in his throat and he swallows the mouthful with difficult as his own spit has blocked his throat and he can’t help but notice for some reason today ramen taste good, exceptionally good. It tastes heavenly. Why? Why did it taste so good? And why was his eyes pricking and watering slightly? He doesn’t understand but all he knows is that he needs to take some meds for his eyes and throat maybe he is coming down with a cold._

_The doorbell rang and Sasuke’s head snapped up and he quickly put down the half eaten ramen cup on the counter, he licked his lips which has suddenly gone dry along with his throat. He doesn’t know why but he just felt the need to run to door and open it and hug and kiss the day lights of the person he thinks is outside of it. He knows it’s childish to assume but he just has this feeling and hope that on the other side of that door is the person who has left this house three days ago._

_He makes his way to the door with steady yet slightly hurried footsteps, he takes hold of the knob and he realizes that his hand are trembling slightly and wills with all his self control that he possessed and that he didn’t know he possessed to stop the trembling. He fixes his hair with the other hand making himself as presentable as possible although all he wants to do is open that damn door. Once he finally opens it and looks at the visitor with a cutting remark on his tongue, he momentarily stops when he realizes that it is not the person he thought it was because instead of sunflower blond he sees pink and instead of that golden tan skin he sees flawless pale and instead of that breathtaking blue they are an emerald colored ones that greeted his sight._

_He doesn’t like the sight._

_“What do you want Sakura?” he knows his voice should be more cutting but he feels more tired than anything right now, he feels crushed and he just can’t bring his voice to be more Sasuke-like._

_The pink haired woman looks at him and gives a smile, one he just finds annoying and although Sakura is sort of his friend he can’t help but feel slightly venomous towards her. She had outwardly always supported his relationship with Naruto but he knew those cutting remarks which would seem like playful jabs at Naruto would make his blood boil. He knew she hated Naruto just as much she loved him; Gaara and Neji were also aware of it and thus kept their space from her. He thought she was confused with how she felt._

_“Ah. I am sorry Sasuke kun I heard what happened from Naruto I just.... can I come in?” she let out fumbling with the edges of her pink overcoat that she has wore to fight against the cold weather. He contemplated letting her in, he didn’t want to see her or hear her in fact he didn’t want to be in her presence right now, Period. But as he thought back on her words she mentioned Naruto and just like that he couldn’t bring himself to not hear some things she might know of the blond whilst pursing his lips in thought he finally let her enter his apartment. The curiosity of knowing how Naruto was doing outweighs her unpleasant company._

_Sakura entered his apartment while giving a smile to him, he ignores it. He shows her to the couch and she sits dainty on it, it was not that she has never visited his apartment, Naruto was quite adamant on inviting and hanging out with friends and although Sasuke was never in on those he let it be if it had Naruto happy and out of his hair. But he guessed without Naruto’s sunny disposition to lighten the atmosphere it must have been quite uncomfortable. Yet he doesn’t give a flying fuck._

_“You were saying?” he says in order to get her talking, so he would know what he wants and then she can leave out of his space. She looks up at him startled out her thoughts and opens her mouth to speak yet closes it again. Finally she open her mouth and says_

_“Naruto came to me after he left your apartment that night” she swallows looking at his leaning figure besides the love seat. “He was upset” she says and looks down not able to meet his eyes. She knew he only wanted to know about Naruto._

_He glared at her to continue what she was about to but have stopped and she got the memo as she continued speaking “he...he told me what happened” she says still not meeting his eyes “Ino and I consoled him and he stayed with us for the night after that he moved in with Gaara when Gaara came to meet him” he pursed his lips at the information, he didn’t have anything against Gaara in general other than his personality which was a little similar to his own but he still didn’t like the overbearing relationship Naruto had with him although he knew Gaara knew what had happened after that rather violent display the red head showed at the university._

_“Out with it Sakura I don’t have all day” he actually did, he didn’t have anything planned today and he didn’t want to hang out with Suigetsu or the others when he was in such a sore mood, it would just make it worse but she didn’t need to know that._

_“Ah...” she said still fumbling with her overcoat that she still wore for some reason. “I came here after Ino and I talked. We were talking that you should apologize to Naruto” he raised an eyebrow at that and he would never admit it to himself that in some part of his mind he wanted to apologize he really did but that part was easily squashed by his pride._

_“She thinks that you and Naruto had been going out since high school and have been together since way before” she pursued her lips her eyebrows furrowed in thought “you should not let a relationship like this end” she says still not meeting his eyes. He contemplated her words; he was surprised by them but didn’t show. He was going out with Naruto since high school, they never really said what they were even to each other but everyone around them knew and he couldn’t figure out why, as he was not really the most affectionate of person._

_“Is that it?” he said still in thought and ever blank but mildly irritating façade on._

_She sucks in a breath at his voice and then looks up dead in his eyes “No” he raised an eyebrow at her answer “I don’t think so” he tilt his head to the side still confused. “I mean I don’t think so, I don’t think what she thought is true" she finally says with eyes alight with determination._

_She stands up from her place on the couch and strides towards his form, the timid girl he saw gone and now standing before was the Sakura everyone knew, the fierce woman. She looks at him in the eye and although she was a feet or so shorter than him, her body posture screamed to be noticed, she was also trembling lightly but he guessed it was because of too many emotions or too much determination “I don’t think so. You and Naruto I don’t think you work” she said her voice getting louder to emphasize her point “I know you two have been with each other since childhood but so have I” she said frustration clear on her face “I was always there too but you picked Naruto and I don’t why” she said in despair._

_Then she quickly cleared up her previous expression with one of trouble “I mean I know Naruto is really nice and lovable and even I love him” she said and he could tell she did whatever she was saying was true, her composure, her face and expression were bare for him to see “but he is not meant for you Sasuke kun” she said begging him slightly and he realized there were tremors going through her frame “he does not deserve you” she said and quickly shut her mouth as she realized what she has said._

_His glare intensified when she let out those sentence, he couldn’t believe what words she has said. In a way he knew she felt that but never had the courage to let it out. He knew because he saw the way she looked at them when they were together. There were always underling jealousy hidden behind actual love and fondness she felt for them._

_But before he could tell her to leave and never to come back she started trembling badly as if overcame with a very bad cold. “I am sorry it just I just don’t think he deserves you” she hiccupped “and I am sorry I think that” she said in a broken hiccup “Naruto is an amazing person I know that b-but he is not of your standard. He is just Naruto” she said a little stronger than before “He is just. He is just Naruto Sasuke. Why don’t you understand” she said sniffing._

_He took a deep breath trying to control his growing temper trembling slightly “get out”_

_She looks up at him with wide eyes looking as if he said something terribly wrong “B-but Sasuke...”_

_“Sakura I am giving you one warning. Just get the hell out” he said in a near growl._

_Sakura’s eyes widen more if that was possible in fear and apprehension and she made to scramble out of the apartment as quickly as she could yet on her way she spotted the lone cup of ramen sitting on the counter of the kitchen which was merged with the living room. Her eyes widen as she stopped on her feet._

_She chuckled bitterly “So that’s why” she said in a hollow tune “You know Sasuke. You are not as emotionally immune as you think you are” and after that she heaves a breath and swallows mouthful of her own spit biting her lips to stop her tears from falling which already were and then she makes her way out of the apartment with as much dignity she can muster in her trembling form._

_After Sakura has left and he was left alone in the lonely apartment heaving with tension, his breath ragged and his body taunt as if he has ran a mile, there were only two thoughts that ran through his head. One he hated Sakura and the second,_

_Why was he so worked up?_

He inwardly chuckled bitterly. He was so naïve, so dense and he called Naruto dense. Oh what irony. He shook himself out of those thoughts and removed his gaze from Sakura who was still chatting with Ino. Sakura had tried after that but he never let her come close to succeeding after many more extremely unsuccessful tries she finally gave up and started dating Rock lee.

He didn’t know much about her relationship with Naruto but it disturbed him how Naruto was oblivious to Sakura’s true feelings and views on him. He still hated her somewhat but at least they were civil now. Well he was civil with her and she continued to keep that fake polite smile on her face. He could never forgive her though and he thought it was right of him to do so.

He didn’t got why he was even thinking of all these things, he just wanted to go home and draw all the curtains shut and dim the light to the minimum then drawn himself in alcohol. It sounded cliché to do so but that’s what he wanted to do. And that’s what he will do. He just didn’t want to be here.

He sipped his glass of wine which he still had a tight grip on and he couldn’t help but think he needed something stronger. A very strong scotch would definitely suffice. He had those stacked up in his cabinets ready for night of utter loneliness and dreamless, restless sleep and now that he thought about it his stock was running out, those night have been multiplying since he heard of the wedding. He was afraid he was turning into Tsunade then again he didn’t really care if he did turn alcoholic.

He got up to get himself another glass of wine and see if there was something stronger, he didn’t want to be completely drunk and cause commotion but he also can’t be totally sober. Just as he was about to get himself a drink, he spotted shaggy brown hair he didn’t want to see.

Unfortunately for him, the brown blob did spot him. The self proclaimed then amended second best man but if you ask him he would be the first came to him while grinning his usual wolfy grin. He just wanted to drown himself in alcohol and also heavy dose of self pity and bitterness was that too much to ask, he guessed it was.

“Hey Sasuke man how are you?” hollered the brunette as he slung his arm around the raven’s shoulder.

Sasuke didn’t responded just shrugged the arm and went back to his drink and after getting it, he tried to make his way away from the man.

The guy asked him how he was, fucking broken he wanted to reply but then again he promised himself he would not cause any commotion in Naruto’s wedding. Although if there came a commotion that was not caused by him he would definitely do everything in his power to fuel it but again it would be useless when the wedding is already over. 

He wished he could be one of those actors from those stupid cheesy romantic movies and go and confess his love for the main actress in his case actor. Well he could still do that but in his condition his love interest would not leave the whole wedding just to run away with him. Yeah he was not that lucky. But god he wishes that was so. That Naruto would suddenly realize that this has all been a mistake and that he has always, always been in love with Sasuke. He would give his arm, leg, heart whatever you ask for it.

If there was any way possible for it to happen, Sasuke would go to hell and beyond for it. He would.

Oblivious to his inner thoughts Kiba of course came after him. He slid a gentle hand very unlike his nature on his shoulder “hey man, are you alright?” he says in a slightly gentler voice.

That was another thing he didn’t understand, Kiba for all his personality surprisingly understood him better than anyone else. He didn’t know why. They weren’t great friends. Heck Kiba was Naruto’s best friend yet he understood or at least saw his pain and wasn’t sadistic enough to enjoy while he suffers. Gaara and Neji were doing a fine job of that.

_He was tired._

_Most of the blonde’s friend have come and confronted him on the blonde’s behalf, he didn’t get why they would bother coming when the blond himself was adamant on ignoring him. He knew Naruto to know that he is not someone who would make someone else to fight his battle and he knew that if Naruto wanted Sasuke to feel bad about himself by getting confronted, he would do it himself not send someone else on his behalf._

_So here he was sitting in the university’s empty courtyard for football practices getting a breather, he needed it. Was it so wrong of him to wish that Naruto would just grace him with his presence? That he would just talk to him damn it. He wasn’t picky if Naruto wanted to come back then he would take Naruto back but he needed to meet him for that and he was tired of waiting for when the blond would come. He absolutely refuses to think ‘if he would come’. There really was no way for it._

_His limbs felt tired and he had this lump in his throat that just won’t go away no matter how much cough medicine he ate and his eyes tend to get watery from time to time. He didn’t felt hungry and because of that he has lost some weight and he had bad dark circle around his eyes because he couldn’t get to sleep since the bed would be too cold, yet when he told the doctor all this symptoms all he got was an incredulous look and a slight laugh but after his glare the doctor gave him cold medicine. He thinks the doctor was a phony._

_He was ready for peace and quiet but alas as luck would have it he didn’t get it. There came a brown blur with red triangular markings that stood out on his face. The face itself was set in a deep frown, eyes narrowed and angry and fist balled to his side. Ah Kiba. Just what he needed. Most of the blonde’s guy friends had gotten physically violent with him in their anger or just threw anger glare as if he was the worst kind of garbage. Oh believe him, he felt it, he didn’t understand why but he did._

_He knew Kiba was a characteristically violent guy. He should prepare himself to a fight but when the brunette finally reached him mouth set in to holler some curses at him, he stopped. After getting a good look at the guy’s appearance he couldn’t really muster the fight in him. Sasuke looked like..._

_“...hell” he raised an eyebrow at the guy getting ready for more curses._

_“Man you look like hell”_

_Sasuke momentarily forgot his place and contemplated if the guy was sane, here he was coming to confront but all he did was get a sort of worried but really not worried statement from him. He really should lie down and rest._

_“Sasuke you look as bad as Naruto does” the brunette says in contemplating in frown._

_He perks up at the blonde’s name and also at the statement he heard, so Naruto was affected. He was not able to get his disinterested façade in place as usual as he was too tired and wary to do so. The brunette notices._

_“Why?” Kiba asks with a frown on his face “why are you affected?”_

_He didn’t answer because he wasn’t affected, he was just sick and he told so to the brunette and then for the first time in life Kiba knew something before Sasuke could even comprehend to know._

_“Dude you are so fucked up” he said without a hint of remorse._

_Sasuke immediately got riled up and it showed which wouldn’t usually happen but then again, many other things were happening which usually didn’t happen. “What the fuck do you want? If you are here to pick a fight then do so. Stop bloody stalling”_

_Kiba gave him a smirk “you know I was coming to beat the shit outta you” Sasuke immediately tensed in preparation for a dodge of an attack Kiba would definitely do “but I changed my mind” Kiba said shaking his head “you are too stupid to beat up” and with a somewhat sympathetic look in his way the brunette went ahead and left him there all alone in the courtyard._

_He didn’t get what the hell just happened._

He really should have gotten what had happen then yet he didn’t. He was so dense back then. When he looked back at the man still standing there waiting for an answer he just nodded his head at him. During all those time in college Kiba and him has formed some sort of camaraderie after that incident but that only because of Kiba’s sort of pity towards him which he still didn’t like but at least someone understood him without him saying it out loud.

Kiba was about to speak again but a pale hand on his arms stopped him to do so and they both looked to see who the newcomer was and saw that it was Hinata. She was dressed in a lavender dress with even lighter lavender flower printed on it, the same color her eyes were. She looked at him without saying anything contemplating him, maybe and then turned towards the brunette “Kiba. Shino is looking for you” she said in a quiet yet firm voice.

Kiba scratched his head “Eh he is?” he asked.

Hinata gave him a smile, one she only reserves for friends or close people to her, fond yet exasperated. “Yes Kiba. Shino is looking for you. You know he is sulking because he also wanted to be the best man and now he wants you to vent it out on and when you left he feels neglected. So he is silently sitting in a corner sulking”

Kiba curses up a storm only some words making sense to him, words like ‘knew should have made the third best man’ or ‘Gah! This is all that Blondie’s fault’. After that he left in search of his sulking friend leaving Sasuke and Hinata behind. Hinata turned to him, her dark blue hair flowing slightly in wind, her eerie lavender eyes locked on his own but for once they didn’t really let anything known. She was just looking at him with those depictive eyes which always gave the sense that they were blind.

Then she finally looked him in the eye and gave a saccharine smile which sent chills down his back, her eyes were totally opposite of her smile.

“Enjoy the wedding Sasuke”

Her voice still was that soft tenor she uses yet it was a little deeper not much however still deep enough to know the difference and something about it had his skin prickling. 

And with that she left, he knew she was close with Naruto. Everyone was close with Naruto. He also knew that there was a time when she was in love with the blond. A very long time. But he also knew she has moved on and he had the assumption that Kiba and she were dating or something now but he wasn’t sure. But he also knew that first love were hard to let go and in some cases impossible to let go, she might have been the first person to ever love the blond romantically and Naruto had been the first person she admired and respected. It was hard if not downright impossible to forget a bond like that. And Hinata hated him for breaking Naruto’s heart. Not that he can blame her.

He let out a bitter chuckle “Don’t worry Hinata I am suffering”

He made his way to his previous spot and started sipping his renewed glass of wine. At least this one was stronger. He stared blankly at everything around him, eyes not seeing yet he chanced up a look in the couple’s direction. They were sitting now. Yet they still appeared to be immensely happy. He refused to look at the other man and only looked at Naruto, smiling and laughing and he couldn’t help but be happy for the idiot he loved so much but he was also so very sad and forlorn that he almost thought he was losing it because of how contradicting his emotions were. In his peripheral vision he saw his ex-Senseis approaching from the blonde’s right side. Kakashi and Iruka.

They have been close to the blond, he knew that. Iruka especially was close to Naruto. Iruka was the first person who trusted in him and the blond never to be a disappointment did everything in his power and beyond to become the man he now was. A successful pilot and an amazing human being. Iruka to Naruto was his first important person even before his godparents came to claim and take care of him. He knew in Naruto’s eyes Iruka was his father and first family. Before anyone Iruka would always come first. Because Iruka was first.

Kakashi on the other hand was another story, he never really believed in the blonde’s potential, he had always seen him as a nuisance and Sasuke as a protégé which Sasuke was in so many ways yet in others he wasn’t. He neglected the blond in favor of Sasuke when they were in university but the blond came over that and did his hardest to prove Kakashi wrong, he did and Sasuke couldn’t be prouder.

He sipped his wine again watching lovingly as Naruto laughed at Iruka who had his cheeks pink and mouth set in a frown who was more than definitely was being teased by his lover Kakashi, Naruto was the one who brought them together and he knew for that Kakashi couldn’t be more grateful to blond.

He smiled in his glass when Naruto’s laugh reached his ear, it was that loud yet it sounded beautiful. His eyes saw a black haired man on his right also sipping wine and occasional giving very fake smile to other guests. It was a coincidence he was just looking and he looked at the man. The man reminded him of himself. And no, it was not because of the resemblance between them but because the man too was gripping his glass a little too tight, his eyes blank yet screwed up on the edges looking as if holding back annoyance or tears but he knew better, it was regret and although most would not notice the man was not as blank today as any other days. If anything he looked as if he was trying to be blank.

He was failing.

Even that eerily fake smile could not keep the regret and longing hidden deep in his eyes which he was using to look discreetly at the laughing blond. Oh the irony. He has to say it again they were so similar.

_It was after one his classes got over and he was making his way out of the class when a dissonantly smiling man stopped him with a hold on his shoulder._

_“Now now Sasuke kun where do you think you are going?” he had said and he groaned because he knew this voice and he did not wanted to meet the owner of said voce._

_“Sai” he had said through gritted teeth_

_“let go of my shoulder now”_

_Sai did let go of his shoulder still smiling falsely at him._

_“Sasuke kun don’t be so mad I only just wanted to talk”_

_He had growled low in his throat ‘not another one of the confrontation because of the blond’ he had thought_

_“Sai I do not want to talk to you”_

_He had never like this Sai person, he had always flirted subtly with Naruto and although the blond only thought of it as jokes he knew they were anything but. And so he had always hated Sai for existing in his life. He wished he would go away now._

_When he turned to the presence of the person he could still feel standing there, he stopped when he saw Sai up front, for once he was not smiling and his usual emotionally constipated face looked dead serious._

_“You would regret it” he had said._

_“Huh” he replied dumbly_

_Sai had given him a small but real smile “thank you Sasuke kun. Thank you for messing up” Sai said for once his voice actually pleasant and then he gave him another smile and left him in dumbfounded silence._

_Regret what?_

He did regret it. Oh how he regretted it. Every night he was on too big for one bed, he would regret it, every morning when he would get up without getting a wink of sleep the previous night with heavy dark circle lining his eyes which he would have to hide with foundation to make people believe he was alright, he would regret it.

Every day when he would try to make breakfast for himself and fail miserably or order something no matter how expensive would end up tasting just not right, he would regret it. Every time he would come back to his quiet and empty apartment hoping for that warm and loud presence, he would regret it. Every monsoon when it would rain and he would look out the window to see the shower falling and look to his right for the presence he once knew would be there to complain about it with a tender smile he would regret it.

And every time when he would cave in his own self, frustrated with everything, hugging his legs on his bed hoping for the hand that would run through his hair and mouth that would whisper the words ‘I love you’ which would make it all a little more bearable.

And he would regret it.

He took a shaky breath tearing his gaze from the black haired man and looked on ahead and froze because just ahead of him still with the company of Iruka and Kakashi, Naruto was looking at him. Naruto fucking Uzumaki finally in six years was looking at him but when his gaze met the blonde’s, Naruto’s eyes widen and he immediately turned his head to Iruka who was still speaking, no one noticing what occurred between them but he did. He did. He saw Naruto looking at him! At him! Damn it! And for nth time hope blossomed in his chest and he felt like smiling and dancing.

But then Naruto turned towards him again and he was on cloud nine and then Naruto smiled and his hope shattered, his heart caved and he sure as hell felt as if his life ended.

Because that smile was not of love, it was of acceptance, it was of forgiveness. Naruto had forgiven him and had simultaneously let him go. At least when the blond was ignoring him, he knew somewhere in that heart he still held a place for himself, a love for just him but now Naruto forgave him and let it go and he just didn’t want to exist anymore. He definitely felt empty now.

_“Why?”_

_It was whispered to him softly in the dim room of his kitchen but he could still detect the anger underlining in that single word._

_He tilts his head in question knowing full well what question was being asked “why what Naruto?”_

_The blond who was not meeting his eyes, hair shadowing them, suddenly snapped his head up to look up at him in anger. His eyes were watering slightly, blond lashes blinking small tear drops and hugging the tanned cheeks in the process. “Why Sasuke?” Naruto said in a hoarse whisper “I am asking you why you did that?”_

_The blond was gasping air now, biting his lip in order to control anger? Tears? He did not know. He would prefer anger though. He turned his head to stop himself from seeing the state the blond was in, he couldn’t see it. “Naruto you are being vague”_

_A bitter laugh rang through the kitchen “vague Sasuke?” the laugh resounded again and coming from the blond it just didn’t feel right, he was used to hearing the light yet deep laugh of Naruto which would have him break out into smile reluctantly, not this one. This just didn’t feel right. “I am being vague?” the blond huffed “or are you just being fucking oblivious?” the words were spat at him with so much anger, he had never seen the blond let out._

_He turned to the blond still not looking at his face but looking at the wall above the blonde’s head. “Yes Naruto you are being vague” he said in his usual monotone not even a hint of emotion he was feeling coming through the façade._

_“Sasuke” Naruto said no pleaded to him “please” he took a breath “don’t do this” he said. Sasuke was still not looking at him but at the wall but the desperation in that voice made him look down. And he wished he hadn’t._

_Naruto was crying now, his eyelashes stuck together by his tears and water trailing down a track down his tanned cheeks. His cheeks were pink, so was his nose and his lips were trembling. His whole body was trembling wrecking with his own sobs._

_He looked like a mess._

_And Sasuke swallowed a lump in his throat when he saw the state Naruto was in. The state Naruto was in because of him._

_“Sasuke why did you slept with someone else?” Naruto said but his voice was so badly trembling that it was hard, very hard to make out what it meant but once out the words rang clear, clearer than anything Sasuke heard. And he contemplated to himself. Why? Why did he do that? He didn’t know why actually. It just happened. Naruto had gone to visit his godparents leaving him alone for the weekend, his student who he has been assigned to tutor for algebra had asked him if he was free this weekend to tutor. He had said yes and when his student came here on Sunday evening for studies, things heated up. And he ended up having sex with him. It was good but in comparison to sex with Naruto it didn’t hold a candle._

_There was release but they didn’t cuddle, as Naruto did with him when they have sex, he didn’t look at Sasuke as Naruto looked at him when he held him and pushed through, with complete trust, lust and love. The guy only looked at him with lust nothing more. The guy’s sound wasn’t satisfying to hear either, Naruto made the most alluring of sounds during their time together. They didn’t even look at each other when they were done. He didn’t understand what the difference was really. The guy was attractive yet he wasn’t Naruto and even that didn’t made sense. He didn’t regret fucking the guy though._

_So why did he do it? When it was not even as satisfying? Because it just happened and he didn’t get why Naruto was so worked up._

_He didn’t know Naruto would come early on Sunday night and when he had gotten the message, he had made the guy go away and changed the bed sheets as quickly as possible when Naruto finally arrived. He had greeted him at the door and Naruto had grinned at him and came to hug him yet he had frozen when he did, his eyebrows frowned and mouth set in a line yet Naruto had still given him a smile, a strained one and gone to put the luggage in their room. He knew he was busted then._

_And as he had thought he did got busted, Naruto immediately knew what was wrong, his nose has always been better than others and if that was not all, Naruto found the used condom. When Naruto stormed out of the room to the kitchen he had gone in to see what gave him away, he forget to remove the condom. The worst possible way to get busted._

_Naruto was still leaning against the counter, his hands gripping it tight and looking at him still crying._

_“I don’t understand what you want me to say” his voice was cold, he knew that. But that was the only way he could respond._

_Naruto had stopped crying then and looked at him, eyes wide with realization. “You don’t do you?” he had looked at him in question not really knowing what the blond was saying yet still listening for some reason. “You don’t give a damn” the blond had laughed then, this one hollow “you just don’t give a damn” the blond said his lips twisted in a grimacing smile._

_“Not even for me”_

_Those words had his throat lodged up and his hearts seize and he had snapped to look at Naruto yet the blond was not looking at him, he had slid to the ground crying silently. They have been there like that for more than a few minutes, Naruto crying without a sound looking blankly on the kitchen floor and Sasuke staring at the blond frozen. He had never seen like Naruto like that. It was not something he ever wanted to see but he was frozen in spot and he didn’t know what he should do or if he could do anything._

_After a while Naruto got up on shaky legs and without even looking at him made his way to the apartment door, his eyes widened and he made his way to Naruto._

_“Where are you going?” he had said._

_Naruto didn’t even look at him “away from you”_

_He was at the couch now and Naruto already at the door, he wanted to stop him say something, anything but all that left him was_

_“Why?”_

_At that Naruto had looked at him and snorted but the laugh held no mirth and had shaken his head at him and opened the door and closed it with a bang. He just didn’t understand what Naruto wanted him to say or if he even could say it. Naruto understood it right? Sasuke was with Naruto because with him it felt right. Him sleeping with someone even if it bothered Naruto, it held no obligation to Sasuke. He never said he would never sleep with anyone so why was he worked up? They never even said they were exclusive and they sure as hell didn’t say they only belong to each other. Then why?_

_And why did Sasuke felt so damn guilty anguish in him with so, so much regret?_

Sasuke was broken now and he knew he won’t be getting fixed again. He definitely regretted coming here now. He didn’t want this. He could have still lived knowing Naruto, no matter who he got married to still somewhere think of him in his heart, enough to ignore him. He was content to know that still Naruto loved him enough to ignore him.

But now Naruto looked at him while he knew Sasuke saw him looking not like when he would look when he thought Sasuke didn’t notice and then he smiled. He forgave Sasuke. He forgave what he did because now it didn’t hurt him. It hurt him because he didn’t love him.

And Sasuke couldn’t believe that forgiveness could hurt so badly.

_It had been two year and a half since Naruto left Sasuke’s apartment that night never to return, all of his stuff was taken out by Gaara and Kiba in less than a week. Gaara had glared murder at him and had purposefully dropped a cardboard box filled with books on his feet. Kiba on the other hand was being awfully sympathetic, giving him those pitiful looks whenever he had the time. He really thought Kiba was going nuts._

_After all the stuff of the bond got cleared from his place, his apartment became even cleaner and quieter than before. All the color from his home was gone, Sasuke wasn’t one for color, he only owned dark fabric of clothing and even his furniture was dark. Naruto. Naruto owned all the colors in his home, to that obnoxious orange table cloth to those soft blue curtains. Naruto bought and owned them. And those fucking bastards took every single color from his house. From his life. He missed the colors._

_He missed Naruto._

_Before now he never thought he would start missing his dobe this much. He never thought he was capable of missing anyone this much._

_But he did._

_And he didn’t understand why. Sure Naruto and he had been together for a long time but he never missed his parents when they suddenly started getting busy or when they would give more attention to Itachi than him and didn’t have any time for him. Although he reminded himself Naruto did come at that time in his life to take the loneliness away. Now there was no Naruto do that for him._

_He was sitting by the window in their living room; it was a huge window making it easy to see the rustle and bustle of the city. Naruto loved this spot. He loved it so much that during the morning when Sasuke would wake up only to find the bed empty and cold, he would go to the living room’s window to see Naruto sitting by it and gently smiling at the still waking world. He would look at Sasuke and give a soft grin only to invite him to sit with him with his eyes still smiling and Sasuke would. Those quiet and calm, gentle moments were rare with Naruto but they were there and they were precious._

_Now it was Sasuke’s favorite spot, he would find his feet unconsciously making his way towards the window and he would slid down only to look outside and wonder if Naruto was doing the same thing and he would smile because that would be one thing that they would always share._

_Naruto’s rare quietness and Sasuke’s rare indulgence._

_It was raining and he remembered how these days were especially hated and preferred to by the blond. Naruto hated rain because he didn’t get to see the sun and its rays falling on the world making it brighter and he liked it because rain would somehow make everything more gloomy yet calm and gentle. Naruto has even compared the rain to him and he had in return compared the sun to Naruto. It was too true Naruto was like the sun and not just because of his outer appearance but also because of his ways of brightening up places wherever he went._

_Nowadays he thinks his apartment is only experiencing rain as there is no sun to brighten it up._

_His bell ring and he again perks up only for a moment because he is afraid to hope its Naruto, only for his hope to get squashed when it’s not. He contemplates getting up to answer but thinks better of it. He just wanted to watch the rain and imagine Naruto sitting there with him, he didn’t another’s company. It rings for some more time before it stops and he assumes the intruder is gone but when his apartment door opens with a click, he has to look who the intruder is who has keys. Naruto already returned his so he knows it’s not going to be him yet he hopes it is._

_He is surprised yet not so surprised to see Itachi there, Itachi has a habit of owning anything Sasuke might want to keep personal just like his apartment keys but what he wants to know is why Itachi is there, normally Itachi wouldn’t come to visit him unless he has gotten into some very serious trouble._

_The relationship between him and Itachi was strained with a hint of love poured here and there; he admired and respected Itachi but also hated him for being Itachi. So perfect and with no flaws. Itachi loved him though and he loved him back but there was just some strained silences and uncomfortable encounters that could make anyone avoid people. Sasuke was no different and after getting the hint from Sasuke Itachi did the same._

_“Hello little brother” Itachi said looking around his monotonous apartment “I see you have been keeping your place quite...clean”_

_“Itachi” he said with a hint of annoyance “what do you want?”_

_Itachi looked at him with a manicured eyebrow raised and tilted his head to the side “can’t I visit my brother on my own accord”_

_Sasuke snorts “no you usually don’t” he says._

_Itachi’s eyebrows frown ever so little, his lips pursed and he seems as if he is contemplating what to say next, Sasuke now intrigued by his brother’s once in a blue moon expression looks at his brother curiously._

_“You know you can say it already” he says in his own encouraging way._

_Itachi gives a thin smile in his direction before every expression on his face disappears and Sasuke straighten himself up for the thing that Itachi is so hesitating so say. Itachi was blunt, he may liked speaking in riddling way but he was blunt and whatever made him contemplate so hard must have been bad or at least bad for him._

_“Sasuke I don’t know how else to say this” Itachi says observing his expression but all Sasuke did was raise an eyebrow, Itachi took a breath through his nose almost unnoticeable “I am dating Naruto”_

_Just like everything else with Itachi the statement was blunt and Sasuke never felt how real the state of ‘having your breath leave him was’ because he definitely felt as if his breath had left him and that his lungs are getting squeezed and turned into goo inside his body and his heart was trying leap out of his chest maybe have been breaking some ribs in the process._

_“What?” he croaked because really what else could he say. He didn’t know if he could say anything; his voice had deserted him more or less._

_Itachi again took a deep breath this one more visible and wary “Sasuke. Naruto and I are dating”_

_Sasuke didn’t moved then, his body still, breathing almost impossible to notice but then he lunged at Itachi throwing a fist at his face and hearing a satisfying crunch when it landed._

_“You bastard” he had hollered so very uncharacteristic of himself but right now he didn’t care if he was being Sasuke-like or not. He just wanted to break something preferably Itachi._

_Itachi had been a little too late in dodging the attack and now his nose was broken but he managed to dodge and restrain Sasuke when he came to attack him again._

_Sasuke had his hands restrained to his back but he still struggled to get free by thrashing his body and normally he could at least land some hits on Itachi when they fought but his anger and frustration was blinding his common sense._

_“Bastard let me go” Sasuke thrashed again “let me go you bastard I will thrashed your face in” he was not behaving like himself if anything he was behaving like Naruto but he didn’t care. He was just so overwhelmed with so many different emotions and all he could think about was for all this to go was to make Itachi hurt. Oh he wanted hurt him so bad._

_“Uchiha Sasuke” Itachi said in a stern voice “calm down now” but Sasuke couldn’t listen, he just wanted to see Itachi blood on his hand but then Itachi bend him down on his knees, his face pressed to the carpet and he breathed heavily into it and he could smell dust and the smell of shoes in it._

_Itachi’s one knee was pressed on his back, the other on his legs and his one hand held his own hands and the other held his face down totally making his body go motionless other than breathing he couldn’t move._

_“Sasuke listen” Itachi said assertively and Sasuke couldn’t but listen because he couldn’t do anything else “I met Naruto a little over six months after your break up. I didn’t know what you did, I just knew you were not together anymore and that idiot never even told me but I kept meeting him after that. I couldn’t help myself”_

_Itachi had said with a fond voice “I kept telling myself I shouldn’t do this that he was my brother’s boyfriend and a man who was four years younger than me but I kept losing to my reasoning” Sasuke didn’t want to listen but he still found himself listening when it involved Naruto he can’t help but listen “I think you can relate to that” Itachi chuckled at that and he really can, heck Itachi didn’t even know how much he can._

_Itachi continued on speaking “I might have been a little too obvious in my emotions because that red headed guy, Gaara saw right through me” he could hear amusement leaking from his voice “he came after me” Itachi was highly amused by now but his grip has not lessen in a bit_

_“He came to me with death clear in his aura and he literally told me off and then I got to know what you did” Itachi’s voice has gone dark and his gripped tighten “I knew there was something wrong with Naruto kun, he seemed sad, his expression faked most times and I thought it was only because his relationship ended with you and he was feeling just a little depressed”_

_Sasuke wanted to know more but he didn’t want to voice it out loud, he didn’t have to “I was wrong” Itachi said his blank “he was hurt, very deeply hurt and he lost faith in his own self” at that Sasuke bit his lip to stop onslaught of emotions that rose making his eyes sting._

_He felt bad, he felt fucking horrible “you did it to him Sasuke” Itachi words were harsh, it needed to be harsh “you made him think he was loved, only for him to realize he wasn’t” Itachi’s words hurt “it broke him, he started thinking he wasn’t worth the love” stop it “you did that Sasuke” no no no “you hurt him” please stop “you broke him” he doesn’t want to hear it “you broke his heart” please just don’t._

_By now Sasuke was crying, his tears falling down to the rug and his body heaving with sobs, he was hurt. He was hurt so fucking badly. Itachi finally let Sasuke go but Sasuke didn’t attack, he didn’t even sat up just stayed there in that kneeling position with his head pressed against the rug and his arms holding his stomach._

_“It took me a while to bring him back Sasuke” Itachi wasn’t done yet it seems “but he is coming back little by little and he is beginning to trust me and himself” Itachi stopped there for some reason “I wanted you to know, not because I wanted hurt you”_

_“But for you to realize what you did was wrong”_

_Sasuke was still crying in the same position not even looking up at Itachi when the older moved to leave, he realized he did wrong. He really did._

_He had been stupid but he didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t want to do that to Naruto, he never wanted to hurt Naruto. No he couldn’t hurt Naruto, he..._

_“Although little brother” Itachi said from the threshold “Naruto was wrong about one thing”_

_“You do love him”_

_...loved him._

Sasuke breathing was erratic, his emotions were erratic. He couldn’t be here. He didn’t have to be here, if his parents didn’t force him and if he wasn’t such a masochistic bastard and came to see the blond still unmarried for the last time. Still available. 

He stood up from his seat and made his way to the exit, to just get away for all this, from the hurt but as he was making his way out, his eyes connected to a pair charcoal, so very similar to his. Itachi looked at him silently with no emotion on his face and then he bowed his head and he knew Itachi was apologizing to him.

Apologizing for ripping his heart.

He couldn’t forgive though, not him and definitely not himself. He turned away from him, the image of Naruto leaning against Itachi as he smiled and looked around burning in his memory and bringing tear to his eyes but this time, he didn’t stop them and let them fall. He left the wedding with a tear strained face and a broken heart which he knew would never be fixed. He broke it himself. And he regretted it. 

He just didn’t be here or anywhere for that matter.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So how was it? Hope Sasuke was in character n who did you think Naruto was marrying? Did you guess it right? I wanted to write everyone's point of view but that would have ruined it so... Anyway tell me how it was!


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